Ehh

sheldon
This is me, 100% of the time, about everything. Especially right now since I’m sick too lol but let’s get to the point. (Also this pic obviously isn’t mine please don’t arrest me I’m sorry :S )

There’s a lot of things about this trip that I haven’t thought about. I’m going away for a year and I can’t really grasp how long that is. Am I ready to spend a year away from my family and friend(s)? Buuut I’m choosing not to think about that. We’ll see when I get there.

Another thing I haven’t thought about is loneliness. Well that was a lie, I have thought about it a lot actually because yeah, I’m a lonely person. But in my vision of me in Australia the loneliness isn’t really there, I’m not concentrating on it or I’m deliberately ignoring it. Can I really ignore it once I get there? Will I even feel lonely? I’m used to being and doing things on my own but this time I’ll literally be on the other side of the world, away from everyone I know.

The third thing I realized just this morning is kind of connected to the previous thing. I really tried putting this in a different way but I realized no matter how I put it, I’m going to sound like an asshole, so here goes: What if the people I meet aren’t up to my ~standards?~ No, I don’t mean it like “lel u ugly I ain’t friends with u” or anything like that. I like different people and I’m very happy to spend time with them, but I’m more concerned about meeting people like me. Now give me a second to climb on my high horse because I’m Mommy’s Special Little Snowflake. So; I don’t meet people who share my interests, opinions, personality traits, likes and dislikes very often. No, I’m not saying that if you’re not like me, don’t talk to me. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I don’t know, is it it selfish or narcissistic to want to be friends with someone who shares your interests? Is that a completely normal human trait or is that a way of saying you think you’re the absolute best and want to basically hang out with yourself?

Speaking of which; I am short on one Travel Buddy.
“I thought you were going alone?”
I am because I have to. I literally only know like three people, and one of the has expressed interest in joining me but I wouldn’t count on it. I know the internet is full of sites where you can search for a travel buddy but I don’t want to go with a stranger. Especially if they’re completely different from me and they’ll get tired of me faster than I get tired of them. If I’m traveling with someone, I’m in it for the long haul, meaning I don’t want to part ways at some point. Going alone is starting to sound better and better because I don’t have to make compromises either…

And finally I’d like to say that even though I’m still not a 100% sure I’m going, and I reserve the right to decide to stay and this blog will be for nothing; I’m definitely leaning more towards going. I’m scared AS FUCK but I think somewhere in my head I’ve made up my mind, and here’s the proof; I told my boss I can’t accept a full time job with a permanent contract because I’m going. I told all my co-workers that I’m going. Okay, yeah, I admit I feel a little pressured to go now because I told them all I’m leaving, but I could still say no. Here’s what I can’t back away from: so many of my favorite bands and artists are coming to Finland next summer, and when the tickets went on sale… I didn’t buy them, because I assumed I would be on the other side of the world by the time of the concerts.

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