two steps forward, three steps back

Step back: It took 2017 exactly 64 days to fuck it up: I just heard the news that my favorite band is quitting. I’m pretty down at the moment, because I’ve loved the band for 14 years, I’ve seen them live ten times, I’ve laughed, cried and sang my heart out to their music, and it’s going to be hard to see them again this summer because I’ll know it’ll be the last time.

But that is not what I want to focus on right now, because at least nobody died. (I’m looking at you, 2016)

Step forward: It’s confirmed: I AM going to Australia! There’s no doubt about it anymore, because I now have a travel buddy! My biggest fear was always having to go alone and feeling lonely, but I don’t have to worry about that anymore because my friend is coming  with me. We’re going to see a travel agent probably later this month and buy the plane tickets, but as always, there is a step back: we won’t be able to leave until September. My friend is contractually obligated to live in (or at least pay for) her apartment until the end of August, so…

But that’s okay, because another step forward was confirmed just yesterday: I’m going to be working full hours all summer! The longer I stay in Finland, the more money I’ll have in Australia.

In my previous post I mentioned going to a travel fair… Well, I didn’t. Instead, I ended up staying in with my friends, getting drunk and playing board games, and I think that was a better choice since I didn’t hear any good things about the fair.

I haven’t really been able to focus on planning the trip lately, because I’ve been obsessed with this TV show and it is literally taking up all my time. It’s a little scary to be honest…
But! I did buy two notebooks, one for planning, and one to turn into a travel journal to take with me, and I attacked them with the force of a thousand preschoolers as I decorated them with drawings and stickers and shit. I haven’t actually written anything in them yet, but at least they’re sparkly!

Lol I’m starting to notice a pattern here: I say I’m going to do something, then I either postpone it, change my mind half-way, or don’t do it at all. I said I’d leave in May: I won’t. I said I’d go to a travel fair: I didn’t. I said I’d be going alone: I’m not. I said I’d quit smoking: the third step back. I said I’d start a travel journal: well, I bought the notebook…
I’ve always been like this though, it takes me forever to get things done and I am really bad at making decisions. I thought about deleting this blog too, but then decided against it because I thought it might be fun to write this thing when I actually start the planning process and I’ll have something to write about.

I’m not really sorry about going back on my word because most of the time I do eventually get things done, it just takes some time and situations sometimes change. Decisions just make me anxious, and I’ve found it easier to just go with the flow and see what happens.


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